you guys were way drunker than both of me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
