Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
