That's when you crack a 10am beer
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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