You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
