i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
