can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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