did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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