she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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