You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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