First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
