I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
