she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.