Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.