even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling