please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"