I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas