I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
