shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize