At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
