First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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