You made me cry and you don't even care
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
