watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
