If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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