I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
