I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize