You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
