So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
