I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
