gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
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I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
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the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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