I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
