so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
