She's like a pop up book from hell.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
