thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
