it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
