im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
