How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize