if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
