Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
