My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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