i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
