Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
