i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
