it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
