I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
