I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
