Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize