Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Your penis caused this!
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