I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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