are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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