in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
