I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
