OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
