if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
