1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize