Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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