I wish I could punch you in the face.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Everyone says I win the strip club
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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