woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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