I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
