Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
