You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
