Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
