And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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