But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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