Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
