Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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