you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
high people should be assigned attendants
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize